A LETTER FROM SOMEONE WHO'S MAD.

I am mad. Yes.

I am mad at myself, I am mad at everyone who's ignorant. I am mad at every single living soul who's being ignorant and leaving at the worst condition of any community or maybe at the worst situation of someone, of anyone.

We shouldn't be ignorant, we shouldn't act like we have nothing to do to help, we shouldn't be selfish. We shouldn't stop helping each other, we shouldn't stop being light.

And I'm so mad that I haven't been so helpful to anyone who needs help, as long as I can remember. I'm so mad to see people being selfish and turn over their face from the people who needs help. To realise that I'd been turning over my face from those who need me, to see myself as a mean person, ignorant person. And I'm ashamed of it. I'm not proud.

Yes, it's tiring. It's exceedingly draining your energy to spend times helping people (MOREOVER helping those who always say they don't need your help), it's really tiring. But what will happen when you give up? what will happen when you stop helping them to get out of their darkest hour? It doesn't make them get any better. It doesn't make YOU a better person as well.  

Let me ask you a question, if you leave them at their worst, what makes you think you deserve their best? hm? What makes you think you deserve your wife at their best, when you leave her all alone at her hardest times?

BTW,
Being care doesn't mean that you have to leave your own lives to handle theirs, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stick with them 247, not a second missed. No.
Simply give your hand when they need a lift up, give your shoulder when they cry, give your food when they haven't eaten for days, pray for them, mention them in your prayer. There are so many things that you can do, so many things. Just don't act like they are not important, like they are nothing to you. 


I'm so mad at myself, but I'm gonna forgive myself and I'm gonna start to lean my ear to their cries, to pay attention to their words. Because I think, that's the least I can do to others to make them get better and to make me a better person. I'm gonna listen and pray for them. 

Anyone who needs help.



The person who tries to change,
Abigail June Papilaya

It's always hard to start something that you haven't been doing for a long time. I know because it took me awhile to decide what words should be typed as foreword. I have never been a good talker, I know how it feels but I don't know how to talk it over. Thank God, I'm --at least for me-- good at writing. So, you can assume that this writing, these writings, are how I express my feeling. Mostly.

TRUST 

I think would be the best word to describe how I (do or do not) feel lately. 


 

Everyone wants to be trusted, everyone likes the idea of being trusted by someone, important person, for the most part. But the thing is, not everyone wants to trust, not everyone likes the idea of trusting. Why. 

Human, that's why. We love to receive, we don't usually love to give. 

Now that I have come to a conclusion to this complication (not that you all will agree with this),
I think to be trusted, we need to provide people the reason why they should have their trust in us (give). Are we qualified enough as someone that can be trusted? 

You don't need anyone, to prove that you're eligible enough to be trusted. You don't need anyone, to say "Oh yeah, you can rely on him", "Oh no, don't trust him, he's not capable of doing that", "Oh yeah, he's a good person", "Oh no, don't, he's not a good person". No you don't need that. What you need is to earn, earn people's trust. By showing them what you are able to do, who you are as a person. It's good to listen to what people think of you, it's another thing to prove them wrong.

If you want people to trust you as an honest person, then be honest. If you want people to trust you as a good leader, then show them good examples. If you want people to trust you as someone mature, then act mature. 

Earning someone's trust is one of the hardest and most exasperating thing to do and thus, you need more than one time to prove them that you are good enough to be trusted. As my part, it's really hard to convince everyone that I'm no longer a 17 years old girl, that I'm able to do what I wasn't able to do, that I am now is more independent than I was. 

But I can always say that, I can tell the world that I'm not a kid anymore, that I can take care of myself, that I'm ready for this, I'm ready for that, I'm not too young for this, I'm not too young for that, bla bla bla. But have I showed them that? Have I proven them wrong? That's another question. Another conclusion. 

An ex-burglar could always tell everyone that he's a good person now, an ex-murderer could always tell everyone he has changed. The thing is, can we buy that? Without them proving us how they really are? now?


So everyone, the conclusion to so-hard-to-be-trusted issue is, prove and show. 

And the conclusion to so-hard-to-trust issue is, time and acceptance. 



Too young to complain,
Abigail June Papilaya

Hi. 

It's been awhile, eh? So many things happened and I couldn't manage the time to drop another post lately but here I am so...

It's less than a month before I turn into 23, time flies who can't resist lol and there is one thing that I've just come to realize : I haven't really grown up. Booooo! You can tell from the way I handle things or from the way I react to something, scho' embarrassing. 

Ok this post isn't about me, It's more about

GROWING UP 

I have come to realize that just because you grow old doesn't necessarily mean you grow up and to grow up doesn't have to wait until you grow old. It's more like a decision you get to make by yourself. You can't expect, "Oh, by the time I turn into 30 I will be mature and handle things wisely, we just do" No, darling. Besides, you might turn into a pathetic because you rely on time, you think time would change you. Big mistake. 

Or people (including me) sometimes don't realize that they haven't grown up, enough. They think they've much of a fully grown and the way they handle things is alright, they react wisely and stuff. These kind of people that would have a hard time to grow. Like, how are you going to grow up to be maturer if you think you're mature enough already?

BUT, just because you give the wrong reaction over something or just because you don't handle your predicaments wisely,once in a while, that doesn't mean you are not a grown up. People do mistake sometimes and it's normal. It's normal to be over-reacting, it's normal that you don't always handle things rightfully, it's normal that sometimes you don't think before you say something or you do something, it's human. What makes it wrong is that you do it over and over and over and over again and you don't realize that it is a mistake. 

AND, just because you grow up doesn't mean you can't have fun, you just know your priorities and realize what your goals in life. It doesn't mean you can't go do something crazy or random, of course you can, you will just have to learn to manage when to do it or where to do it or with whom you want to do it. 

Growing old is mandatory, growing up somehow remains optional.

Yours, 

Abigail June

BRAVE

There were days when I chickened out of things. Lots and lots of things. I was a thinker, I still am. Just less. I realized that too much thinking would only lead me to a milquetoast doing. 

I would love to tell young fellows, that you should be brave. Free your mind and actions. Care not about what people think because it would only keep you from the real thing. They maybe talk about you, bad or good and with you concerning about it, would not change the way they think. By just doing it and proving them that you are a capable person of your works, will.

You're the only person who knows yourself very well, you're the only one who set your future, you're the only one who do it. 

If I could get back to the old times, when I let my anxiety took everything out of me, I would. Then I'd be braver than ever so a lot of chances wouldn't have to lay in vain. But I got not regrets because by then I learned. 

Now, I'm still a hard-thinker but I'm braver.

Take the chances and dream big.

Bandung, December 23, 2013.

Abigail June

Teori Konservatif



Nothing worst but a good lonely heart-breaker asking for someone who ever could be faithful to them.

Yes, I'm talking about every single person in the world yang kerjaan ngeluh karma keseringan di sakitinlah, di tinggalinlah, di selingkuhinlah TAPI tanpa mereka tahu mereka sudah terlebih dahulu kaya gitu. Here it is young ladies and gentleman, hukum paling sederhananya sih ya, jangan nyakitin kalo engga mau di sakitin, jangan ninggalin kalo engga mau di tinggalin, jangan jadi PHP kalo engga mau di berlakukan demikian.

Once a friend of mine said, which at first agreed by me "Berawal dari dia berbeda dan berakhir dengan dia sama saja". Ya, at first I could see every possibilities of this theory but not this very time. This theory isn't fully right. Gue terfikir bahwa tidak akan ada yang sama saja jika dari kitanya pun sudah memperlakukan berbeda ATAU kitanya berani untuk bertindak berbeda.


Penerimaan.
When you can accept things, when you DARE to accept things the way it is or in my case dare to accept the "different' things and dare to CHANGE the bad things, slowly but sure, I believe there would be no such things as sama aja. Karna menurut gue terkadang perubahan seseorang tidak melulu harus di dorong oleh orang tersebut namun orang sekitarnya, yang sayang mereka atau yang mereka sayang. Tidak melulu ya. Jadi, cobalah untuk menerima.

Kesadaran.
Kesadaran bahwa ya memang tidak ada satu makhuk atau benda di muka bumi yang sempurna. Kesempurnaan hanya milik Tuhan boss!

Balik lagilah, gimana orang mau nerima lo kalo lo engga bisa menerima?
Gimana orang bisa berubah kalo mereka aja engga sadar akan hal apa yang harus di rubah karna kerjaan lo cuma ninggalin tanpa kasih tau mereka alasannya?
Gimana orang bisa nyenengin lo kalo lo aja engga bisa nyenengin mereka?
Gimana orang bisa selalu ada buat lo kalo lo aja pas mereka butuh tau deh kemana, main layangan?

Kalo lo merasa lo udah seringkali berbuat baik sama orang tapi lo tetap di jahatin, gue percaya pada hukum yang paling adil, beliau namanya Karma. Karma lo yah apa yang lo tabur, karma mereka yah yang mereka tabur. As easy as that.



I can't speak thus, I write
-Abigail June Papilaya

It’s yesterday when I flipped through my old stuffs. I read my old posts, my formspring. It’s yesterday when I went through my memories that now swiftly remind me of all the run-in I underwent with some people, all the misdeeds and how I couldn’t sensibly fix the catastrophic between me and some people. It’s somehow exasperating, I swear.

I wish I could turn back time and fix all the things, wisely. It’s embarrassing how immature I was dealing with the problems back then. But with rue your heart is laden, so I won’t. 

DARE YOURSELF TO LEARN FROM YESTERDAY

By : Abigail June

I have a bad history and no matter what I do now, it won’t change my history but it holds my future. It’s not always bad to have a bad history, if only you want to switch it to be a good thing. You can always learn. People will always see your history, no matter what you do now, they judge you from your history. BUT, it’s your decision to make up their mind, about you. By showing them that the person in that story is no longer live in you now, by doing good things, by changing. Trust me, they won’t directly stop underestimating you but they will, eventually. If they won’t, it’s them who get to change their point of view :P

And here, for all the people I’ve hurt, I’ve ever had the run-in with. This is for you :

I’m sorry for being such a hellcat back then, I didn’t think sensible enough. It gets me to my exasperated sigh whenever I remember our quarrels. I hope we all forgive each other. Thank you though. Because now it becomes my number one lesson and my number one smacker to change, to be a better person.

GOOD THINGS, GOOD TIMES, GOOD PEOPLE. :)

DEAR BADUT ANCOL.

Tis' actually a present for your birthday, last year. But I couldn't manage the time to make it perfect and I'm glad I can get this video done by now and give to you as a farewell present :")

So I'm sure we're not gonna be able to see each other often since you've accomplished all the subjects, I'm glad you finally made it. Hope you'll be a successful designer. Please pray for me, long road to go.

Hope you love the video and please do cry! :)

Much Love,

Kurus.